Missing candy
Absolutely not! Your dad and I would never have stayed up late last night eating all the rest of your delicious Easter candy.
How to cut your child's sugar intake
"The ice cream shop just isn't open."Strange hours
Gee, sweetie. I really wish we could get ice cream, too. But the ice cream shop just isn't open on Tuesdays.
School rules
I'm sorry, but you can't wear your favorite SpongeBob shirt today. The school called, and they made a new rule that you can no longer wear shirts with stains and holes in them.
Phony phone calls
Sorry, sweetheart. That kid that really grates on my nerves can't possibly join us at the zoo today. Yes, I totally called his mom.
Annoying toys that go MIA
I can't possibly imagine what happened to that toy that kept me up all night honking, whistling and singing nursery rhymes at a decibel so high only dogs can hear. Who knows? Maybe you lost it in the park.
Sleeping cartoon character
Bummer. You can't watch cartoons because Handy Manny and Thomas the Train are too tired to be on TV right now and are taking a nap.
Magic is real
Your friend is wrong. The tooth fairy is real. How do I know? I'm sure I saw him last week hiding something under your pillow.
Cheapo tooth fairies
And speaking of tooth fairies… Did you know the tooth fairy only has so much money for each household? That's why he can't afford to give you $5 like your friend Joey. He only gets that much because he's an only child.
Dirty laundry
Oh, no, honey. Your favorite blue dress you asked me to wash special for today is completely clean. It just looks wrinkled because I didn't fold it.
Dead pets
Don't cry. Mr. Fishy went to be with all the other fishies in the sky. What? No, I would never flush Mr. Fishy down the toilet. That was just a… um… yellow leaf I found on the floor.
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